By Rev. Corey Meyer, Director of Mission Partnerships
“Self-compassion is key because when we’re able to be gentle with ourselves in the midst of shame, we’re more likely to reach out, connect, and experience empathy.” – Brene Brown
We are our own worst critics. You have probably heard that cliché a hundred times. I cannot remember where I heard it for the first time, or even quote who said it. What I know is that it rings too true for many of us. We all seem to have that voice in our head that can either whisper or yell at us when we do something wrong. My inner critic has been relentless lately. I’m talking full force; drown out the rest of my thoughts through a megaphone relentless. It’s pierced through about everything: you forgot to do the dishes today, how could you forget to pay that bill, if you went to bed earlier you wouldn’t be so tired, you watched two hours of Netflix tonight when you could have read that book, you’d be a better person if only… the list goes on and on.
Self-criticism is a force to reckon with. It’s becoming a new topic of conversation among psychologists, sociologists, therapists, and other “-ists” that have interest in how people behave. We all seem to be subject to it. Some have a louder critic than others. It often comes out of the myth of perfectionism that we believed could be reached. We see ourselves in the highest ideal and then when we fail to reach it, a catastrophic disappointment happens and suddenly feelings like shame and inadequacy creep in our beings. Brene Brown is a contemporary author, recurring TED Talk-er, and sociologist attacking the culture of shame in our society and how we can be resilient
to it.
One of the ways we can combat our inner self-critic and the feeling of shame is changing our self-talk and employing a great deal of self-compassion. I’ve been on a journey of trying this more lately.
In the recent weeks I have found myself repeating a timeless word to myself: Grace. Each time I hear that inner-critic flip on the switch of the megaphone and yell at me I take a pause. I take a deep breath, focus myself, and respond to myself with saying, “Grace.” I can tell you there is an immediate wave of calm that comes across me. A deep relief happens in my soul that I can forgive myself for being so tough. I can relax knowing that sometimes I make mistakes. I may not live up to who I want to be in the moment and that is okay. Self-compassion is a great spiritual discipline we can employ in our lives. It is a reminder that we are always living into being our best selves and sometimes we fall flat on our face and need to hear the word “grace.”
