As I write, it is the 25th anniversary of a snow day in Telluride, Colorado, where the temperature hovered around zero, I took that risk we call marriage. The first year was the most difficult. Who would manage the money and would the other person trust that it was being managed well? I stumbled more than once in learning how to parent someone else’s chicks. Fortunately, Karmen and Kyle were forgiving of my cluelessness about parenting and we forged deep bonds. Then Dave and I had Connor and began the long and sometimes painful process of letting our beloved child grow up and become his own person. We became certified marriage enrichment leaders and trainers in the Couple Communication Course but that did not shield us from facing our own challenges. One year was particularly difficult as Dave navigated being executive director of a not-for-profit counseling center that was no longer financially viable.

Looking back, I wish I could have been more relaxed and calm about the inevitable challenges that come in any marriage: money, career, and parenting. Marriage has been an enormous teacher. I have learned so much about my own vulnerabilities and how to grow beyond what seems natural and easy into what is life giving and joyful. In marriage, it is impossible to hide or pretend. Every day, this person is there, calling from me my best self. And on the days when I did not give it, I discovered what Jesus meant when he talked about the freedom and new life that comes from knowing that one has been forgiven.

On our anniversary, we go out for a special dinner and there at the table, we pull out a journal and write down the highs and lows of the past year of married life. There has never been a year without both. But today, it seems like there were about 100,000 high moments and about five low ones. I am grateful that God has given us the gift of human relationships to teach us about God’s divine love.

Barbara Brown Taylor said in a sermon once that “Sticking with one person is the best chance you have got of growing up.” And Gilbert Meilander said “The purpose of marriage is not to create happiness but to create holiness, though in the long run there can be no happiness without holiness.”

Grace and Peace,

Carla