How many languages do you speak? Theologian Eugene Peterson* claims that we all know three languages. The first language is the one you learn to speak even before you know words. You coo at your mother or cry to express hunger. After we become articulate, we use this language to convey love to a boyfriend/girlfriend or to express affection to a pet. Language One is the language of human connection and intimacy. It relies on tone of voice and a raise of the eyebrow. We call on a grandchild with the word “honey” or a spouse with a name we whisper only in private.

“The doctor says I have a couple of swollen lymph nodes” my husband told me after his annual physical. “Probably due to a sinus infection but he wants to see me again if they don’t go away.”  So we waited.  And they didn’t go away.  So more tests. And more waiting. And more tests.  And waiting. 

My 3-year-old grandson walks over to his 1-month-old sister, picks up her hand, wraps her tiny fingers into a fist and reaches out his clenched hand to give her a little fist bump. Then he kisses her on the head and runs off to play Spiderman. She does not yet know his name or who he is and yet his small acts of love are shaping her life already. Psychoanalyst Christopher Bollas says “We learn the grammar of our being before we learn language.”

I look out and a beautiful woman who has been sitting alone for five years is now sitting in a different section, laughing knowingly with a group of friends. A grandmother on the third row is reaching over the edge of the wooden pew to display her shiny amethyst ring to a Read More...